My Birth Story (or is it Isaacs?)

I have debated posting about Isaacs birth for several weeks now. After all, it's a very personal thing, and who wants to read about it anyway? But I remember being pregnant and scared because of all the horror stories telling me that labor was just a necessary evil when getting a baby. I remember not trusting my body and reading hundreds of books and articles to help myself feel secure. But there was so much negative stories out there that I wanted to share mine, because I believe birth is pretty freaking incredible.

It was week 39 and I was already dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. My doctor was very sure the baby would come early, and I was so ready! Fast-forward to week 42 and still no baby. Really, doctors should never tell a woman that her baby is coming early. It's a bad idea. Because I was late I received another ultrasound. It showed us that I had lots of amniotic fluid, (more than typical) and Baby was going to be 9 pounds, give or take 26 ounces. Psh. That is one big margin and I was pretty annoyed at that. I was measuring at a 43 when I was supposed to be at 37 so...we figured it had to be somewhat large. Because of this and the fact that I was late, my doctor decided to induce me.

I kept a journal during pregnancy so I can remember what happened when, who said what, how big I got etc. The day before I was scheduled to be induced, I sat down at the computer in tears, and managed to write about my feelings.

Today is thursday, the day before the induction and I feel so hopeless. I feel like my body has failed me, and I feel robbed of this whole experience. I so wanted to go into labor and send the exciting message to Brent at school letting him know that “it’s time!”. I wanted to labor at home, comfortable and firm until it was time to go to the hospital. I wanted to feel what it was like to go into labor on my own. And now I feel very robbed of that. And so weirded out that I have my baby scheduled to come into this life. It’s weird to think that tonight is the last night of just Brent and me. The last night before our roles in life are added to and changed. I’m worried about the induction. Mostly that I will end up getting so many drugs pumped into me and so many interventions that it will be one big medical fiasco until the baby comes out. I don’t want to be forced into things. But, I guess this is the way it’s going to be. I need to remember that I get my sweet little baby out of all of this. There is a happy ending! I just hope everything goes okay and baby is safe and healthy. I worry so much if the baby will be okay. I have felt its constant companionship in my belly for so long, its little kicks and moves that it feels so safe inside me right now. I’m scared to bring it out and maybe find out that there was something wrong all this time, that I didn’t grow baby like I was supposed to.

Depressing right? I was kind of a mess. So there is the prelude, but here is Isaac's birth story.

The night before the induction I actually slept really well and was surprised when my alarm went off at 5am. It still hadn’t hit me that I was having a baby. I couldn't believe that soon I would hold my baby and FINALLY find out the gender. We drove to the hospital, parked, and walked right in. I was so grateful that the maternity ward was basically empty so we got a room right away. I was immediately told to change into a gown and then was given an IV. A nurse asked me a bunch of questions while they prepped me. I was worried she’d be my nurse for the day because she wasn’t very nice but the shift changed at 7am.  I got a nurse named Rosemary (Rosa) and she was amazing! So helpful and she immediately hooked up to the pitocin and gave me a huge hug, telling me today would be awesome and she couldn’t wait to help me.

They started me off at the lowest dose and not much happened. I had 4 contractions during ten minutes. It was really fun to watch my contractions on the screen, it entertained Brent and I all day. Nothing happened so she pushed my dose higher. Still nothing for HOURS. Brent and I talked, laughed, watched March Madness and marveled at what was happening. But mostly we were pretty bored. Birth is always depicted as so excited and crazy, but really, it's a whole lot of waiting around uncomfortably.

Rosa checked me hours later and I hadn’t dilated past a 3.5 but was more effaced. She moved my dose up even more. Now the contractions were more noticeable, but still pretty enjoyable. They were just like Braxton Hicks with more of a bite to them. We even watched most of Despicable Me 2 on my laptop (Brent feel asleep during it, he was one tired dude).  At 1 or 2 pm my doctor came in to see me. I was a 4 and effaced much more.

We decided things weren’t progressing super fast on the pitocin so she would break my water. I was really nervous! It was a strange experience but not painful, and I progressed to a 6 in 20 minutes. The contractions were much more serious now. I had to concentrate with each one and they became stronger and stronger. Soon, they were hard to handle. But, they were manageable, and I was thinking hey, I can do this! Rosa came in and said that this was as strong as my contractions would get so I contemplated going natural. After 40 mins of contractions only minutes apart, I became exhausted. The pitocin never gave me good breaks between my contractions, just a lessoned pain to a heightened one. I hadn’t been allowed to eat breakfast and the contractions coming one after another really wore me out. I was having a hard time telling Brent what I wanted him to help with during a contraction. They only thing I knew was I HAD to be holding his hand at all times. 

Soon, I couldn’t do it any longer and called for the anesthesiologist. He couldn’t come for 15-20 mins and that was a LONG time to wait. They kicked Brent out for it. It was pretty scary and hurt a lot. I held onto Rosa like crazy. He had a hard time getting it in and it was off center to my left side a few times. Finally he was done and Brent was let back in. I’m really glad he didn’t see the epidural being done, I think it would have freaked him out. 

From then on out it was much easier to do labor. Brent and I watched my contractions (I could still feel the pressure/tightness) but the pain was pretty much gone. It was a great epidural, I could easily move my legs and feel my body pretty well. Soon, each contraction came on so strong I could really feel them, even with the epidural. Around 7pm Rosa checked me and I had dilated to a 9.5 and baby’s head was super low!! She said it was time to push and I was pretty shocked. After sitting around all day things were finally going to come to an end. 

She called my doctor who was at home (not on call that night) but she still decided to come deliver my baby. While she drove to the hospital (she lived a half hour away), we waited. Rosa’s shift was over and she had to go home. I was so sad to see her leave. Fortunately, my new nurse Kirstie was awesome as well and more business like. Turns out I really needed that personality trait for pushing. She set up everything for labor and then we did some practice pushing. Pushing was hard, and somewhat awkward. Things quickly got pretty serious with pushing and I was feeling lots of pressure. 

During each contraction I would do 3 rounds of pushing for 8 seconds. The first push I could do really well, but by the last one I was out of breath and tired. I even started coughing a lot and having a hard time breathing at the beginning. Soon my doctor came and took over. Tons of people came into the room (nurses and the pediatrician) and I didn’t even care. I honestly didn’t care at that point about anything. My body was just a tool I was using and that was it. Things got really serious for awhile and soon I couldn’t open my eyes, I just had to concentrate on breathing, both during contractions and after because I was getting very light-headed. 

I heard them say the head was coming and soon they were shouting at me to "keep it up", "push harder", and "just a little longer". It was like my own personal cheerleading squad. Brent was making lots of comments like, "woah", "wow", "there’s the head!" "Good job honey you’re doing great". Soon though he grew quiet and I looked up and he looked sick. He excused himself and went to sit down on the couch for a few pushes, saying he was light-headed. Soon he was back and pushing got even harder. It was an out-of-my-body experience for me. I couldn't believe what I was doing. My mind was just marveling as my body took over. I felt so powerful!

Then, with a couple more impossible pushes, he was out! They stuck him on my belly and Brent called out “It’s a boy!”. I touched my baby for the first time and marveled at how perfectly soft his skin was. I couldn't believe how big he was, and that he had actually just been inside me! Brent hugged me, crying hard and telling me how much he loved me. That moment bonded me to my husband like never before.

My moment with my baby was cut short because the doctors were worried and didn’t even let Brent cut the cord, saying they needed to see him right away. They cut the cord fast and soon baby was over in the corner on a warming table with 3 doctors working on him. The first thing I noticed was I hadn’t heard him cry yet, and I asked “Why isn’t he crying? Is he okay?” They wouldn’t answer me but kept working. Brent left my side to go watch baby and I felt like my whole world was about to end. I couldn’t bear it if I lost my baby now, not after seeing him, touching him, and wanting him. Man, I wanted him, more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.

I prayed heavily with Heavenly Father to let him be okay. Brent grabbed his oil and asked the doctor if he could say some ‘words’ over the baby and gave him a blessing. I didn’t get to hear most of it because Brent was quiet and my doctor was talking to the nurse as they hurried to stitch me up, but I remember Brent asking for Heavenly Father to get our baby safely to us. I was so proud and grateful in that moment that I had a husband who honored and used his priesthood! Looking back, this moment really touches me. The first time Isaac was touched by his father was through a priesthood blessing. What an incredible example and memory for Isaac as he grows up.

My whole body was so tense in those few minutes of chaos. There were doctors and nurses shouting so many things but all I could hear was the silence of my baby. Finally Isaac cried and I felt like a dam opened up inside my chest as I sobbed in relief. They brought him over and I was able to hold him. The nurses were so great and took a picture of our new little family and I marveled over his perfect face for a few minutes before they took him away to the nursery, Brent going with him.

It was an incredible day, and it did work out in the end. I was so worried, but it turns out things will happen the way they're supposed to. I now have a healthy, happy, sweet boy who is doing so well! I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom, I know so many women are unable to experience what I experienced. Isaac is doing great, and I am so happy to be a mom to a little boy! He is growing so fast!

My sister-in-law asked me if I would have done anything different, and I truthfully didn't know how to answer that question. Yes, things could have gone differently, but I like the way they happened, the good and the bad. So I think that my answer is no, I wouldn't change a thing.

Isaac Brent Froberg, 9 pounds 11 ounces, 21.5 inches, biggest baby in the hospital that weekend, Momma's nose and eyes, Daddy's complexion and winked forehead and our last name. Feels pretty good!

Garin Regional Park

There is nothing more that Brent and I love than exploring a new place. Especially when it happens to be really close to home. This gem is only a 10 minute drive from us and we're in heaven. In Hayward, you have the valley then the hills. The hills are were the rich people live. We do not live on the hills therefore. But, if you drive into them, you come across this park which has over 20 miles of trails in it. It is a paradise in a busy busy city. 

 It's hard to look at pictures of me pregnant now. I don't know if it's just the angle, but I swear I look bigger than I am.

There are some amazing old trees (this one is huge, Brent climbed out on the lower branches easily). 

Even though California is expensive and a lot of weirdos live here, it does have some pretty amazing things to do!

Sub Life

Life has a way of being crazy hectic and overwhelming while going really slowly at the same time. I feel like this time before baby really follows that rule. Something that has helped me pass the weeks is my new job.

I have had a great time becoming a substitute teacher for the past month. I say great, because it's not happy, it's not easy, and it's not fun. But it's great. Great for my wallet, my learning and growth, and for perspective.

The school district I work for is extremely hard. Every school has some really messed up kids from messed up homes. It shocks me every day the stuff I hear and experience. Kids who only have chocolate milk and rice krispies packed for lunch, 5th graders who cannot read, kids who are in 3rd grade but their parents are younger than I am, boys who treat me like scum with such a familiarity that you know, just KNOW, they see it at home towards their mothers and much more.

People teased me, especially when I moved to California, that I wouldn't be prepared for life here and I was so sheltered and fragile. Guess what, I was! And I am 120% grateful for it. I don't see how being exposed to these kind of things would 'improve' me. If anything, they have just made me more grateful for the childhood I experienced and that I didn't have to deal with the kinds of things these kids do.

Within all the harshness I see in the schools, there is some greatness though. Being pregnant makes kids look at you as a 'mother' figure and they treat you that way! It is crazy how much the girls attach themselves to me, commenting on my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my nails, and most of all my baby. I should start a list of the names all the girls come up with for my baby. What makes kids, and people for that matter, so drawn towards babies? Why does a big belly somehow allow people to cross a fence and feel comfortable around you? It's like magic how people talk to me now all because of this big belly and the treasure inside it.

Today was a hard day. I had to turn down a sub job for my favorite class (one that was actually enjoyable to be in) because I had offered to watch a boy for a lady in our ward. I was so angry I was seeing flames. I'm watching this boy for free because his mother is going to school and wasn't responsible enough to find him child-care in time. I growled, cried, and pouted around the house, angry at the situation, the money I was losing, letting the teacher down who now needed to teach while sick, the time I'd need to spend with this kid, etc.

Luckily, Brent came home and set me straight. Sometimes I just need a good kick in the rear to remind myself what's really important. He listened to my stream of agitation and then wisely said, "It's good to do service. With greater sacrifice comes greater blessings." And he's right! No matter the situation, I am able to help someone out and be their blessing for the day, which is worth it. It turned out fine anyways, and I am grateful for the opportunity of serving others, even when it comes at great personal cost. Service is very rarely easy and without sacrifice, and sometimes I forget that.

A month of Learning

You know that moment when you graduate, finish College, walk out with that degree and think, "Yes, I finally finished learning, now onto life." Yeah, I just rolled my eyes over that statement too. Funny how I thought that at the time though.

I feel like I am now earning three Master degrees: California Survival, Pregnancy and Mother Studies, and What to do with Life and its curve-balls. Throw in minors in Nannying, Marriage, Cars, etc.

We have enjoyed living in California for the most part. It is very new and different for us, which always takes awhile to get used to. There are a lot of pros and a lot of cons, the cons just happen to be more prominent.

One con is driving in California. People aren't joking about traffic. We do not go out driving for 4-5 hours of the day. Not just avoid, but we DO NOT go into the craziness. There are a lot of really really bad and aggressive drivers here and when the two mix it can be pretty scary.

We broke our rule of not going out during traffic two weeks ago when we took a friend to the airport. On our way home, traffic was as thick as frozen molasses. Our lane suddenly slowed down and we complied, talking back and forth about random things. Then Brent looks up and says, "Please don't hit us, don't hit us, don't hit us!" I had a second to tense before we were slammed into. Out tumbled our radio system and glass shattered all over the backseat.

The car that hit us made its way over to the side. We tried. A horrible grinding sound resulted and we barely managed to make the car move the two-lanes over to the shoulder (all while cars were zooming past, not letting us switch lanes to get over. I wasn't joking when I said California drivers are crazy and mean!) I got out of the car and forced myself to look at the damage on our only car. We exchanged information with the lady as the State Tow service showed up to haul us off the freeway. Our car wouldn't drive, and we had to figure out how to get an expensive tow truck to take us the 1 mile left to our apartment. Heavenly Father was watching out for us that night in more ways then making sure we weren't injured. The nice tow-man explained to us that he could get fired and in a lot of trouble if he hauled us home (his job was just to drop us off the freeway) but if we waited ten minutes his shift would be over and he'd take us home for free.

It was a small but huge blessing for us. We spent the next few days in a whirlwind talking to insurance companies, me freaking out over baby's health, and figuring out what to do without a car. The lady's insurance covered a rental thank heavens and so I was able to go to doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, and work!

Brent has spent the last week slaving over the computer looking at used cars for us to buy. After a lot of stress and hard work Brent found us a car! We were able to buy it, and I hope that it turns out to be a good car for us.

Pregnancy has been good so far. Brent and I joke that I could get a job as a surrogate mother after this because I have such easy pregnancies. I may not get sick, but I'm definitely feeling uncomfortable now. My belly has expanded like crazy and my belly button now has a mind of its own. I constantly find myself looking down and saying, "Well, huh, hmm, what's going on here?"

 This is a very accurate picture of what I look like when trying to get out of bed. 

And this is how my days and nights go (why??? it's 3am...why??)

All in all I'm loving being a 'mom' but am feeling very unprepared for all the things I should know. Books anyone? Currently I can only tell you how I will be feeding my child and how I can emotionally prepare myself for labor. There are a lot of gaps to fill.

Washington Break!

Lots of fun stuff have been happening in Cali on our road to figuring out how to live here, but that'll be covered later. Mostly because Brent has all our pictures on his ipad at school right now.

After every one of Brent's quarters we get a break! Also, before I move on, let me just brag for a minute on Brent. He's a 4.0 student!! He worked so hard his first semester and pulled off perfect grades. So he deserved a nice break!

We few to Washington to visit his family for two weeks. His parents live on Birch Bay, and you can't get a better view than that. It's stunning to wake up every morning to waves and bird calls. We spent a majority of the first week on Brent's dad's boat.

I come from a cattle ranching background through my father and growing up every summer on my Grandparents ranch. So I don't feel comfortable around sea things! But I was so surprised how much I loved being on a boat. I also love crabbing though could do without the eating part.

Pulling up the crabpots is actually quite hard! They're heavy, especially if they're packed with lots of crab.

 I don't like touching the crab, so I get the part of measuring them to make sure they're big enough!

I have to say, one of the things I love about Brent is he is always exploring the world around him. It's like being married to a five-year-old sometimes, and he makes me look at the world differently. Here is him showing me all the things that are growing on the side of the dock.

One day we went out on the boat to the island off Washington's coast. It was so fun to explore these islands, and as you can see, very beautiful!

We had so much fun visiting family. We loved playing with the kids (and even got to go to Great Wolf Lodge with Brent's sister and her three kids) and eating really good food with Grandma Mary.

Throwing rocks into the water entertained this little guy for 15+ minutes. 

 This was one brave girl! She was nervous but was game to try any ride! 

Apples Apples Book! I think I read this book at least ten times in two days with Gage. He would surprise me by having certain parts memorized. It really made me laugh each time.

Brent LOVES the water. So of course he plays catch in freezing water with his nephew. 

 This melted my heart. I didn't even prompt this! She just started hugging my little belly bump and would say goodbye to 'baby'. It's funny how she has more faith that there is something in there than me. I've seen the ultrasounds, and I still question every day that there is actually a human in my belly. But not Adelle! There is a baby in there and she insists it will be a girl. I feel like I might never disappoint anyone more than her if I have a boy. 

We also got to spend some time in Canada! We went to a really cool mine museam with Brent's parents along with Whistler where the 2010 Olympics were done and hiked with Brent's twin. That hike was so beautiful but really hard for me. My body really reacts differently to exercise now that I'm pregnant.

  Wahoo! We're going inside the mine!

Isn't this view unbelievable? 

My sister-in-law also really surprised me by throwing me a baby shower! It was so sweet, and I was so excited for all the adorable baby things!

It was so nice to have a long break and to visit so many family members. As you can see, we really packed in the events during this time!

California here we come!

I ended my first block of student teaching with a bang! Such a great class, I loved every one of them! They really taught me a lot, and I felt like a real teacher. 

Here's a funny story for you. I have a strict NO NOTES policy in the class (especially because I have two 'mean' girls who can write really interesting notes). I noticed one girl was walking around the class, and I finally saw she had a note in her hand.  So of course I stopped her and told her that she knows there isn't notes in this class and that I was disappointed in her. She held up the note and this is what I saw:

I felt so bad! Poor girl was doing something so sweet for me! So there's one of those FAIL moments as a teacher, but oh well. 

Moving

The last thing I watched as we drove out of the valley was the mountains. How I’m going to miss those beautiful, tall mountains that surround the valley like a big hug. I cried a little as we drove away. I’ve lived in Utah for 22 years. Each move I’ve made hasn’t been far, and I’ve always had my family near by. I guess I’ve been spoiled until now.

The drive was pretty long but made livable because of Harry Potter on CD and talking with Brent. We got to stop in Lake Tahoe with Brent’s cousin for the night which was an awesome way to break up the trip. She even took us out to the lake in the morning! Then it was off again on the road.

California is in a drought right now, so we were a bit amazed at how dry it was. Thankfully we found our apartment and our Bishop got some men from the ward to unload us. The elders came too and it was fun to see them. One of them is from Pleasant Grove, which is the town next to my parents.

I was very overwhelmed and felt completely alone and scared. New place, new everything! We had actually never seen our apartment before we got there. Thank heavens it was quite nice and turned out to be bigger than we had thought.

We had a place lined up, but it fell through. So two weeks before we were supposed to move we were trying to find a place. It was so scary because we didn’t know what the ghetto areas were and where we would be safe. So dad told us to call bishops in the area. We called seven bishops and none answered. I prayed so hard the whole time Brent called. The next day one bishop called Brent back and said, “you’re in luck, I manage an apartment complex right across the street from our church. It is expensive…but it is safe and nice.” I was so excited! So without looking at it we got it. Talk about a leap of faith…

The day after we moved here the next-door lady invited us over. She is from Sri Lanka and is a convert of four years. She said she was so worried about who would move in next door because she is a single mother and wanted to be safe. The missionaries here fasted and prayed for her to get good neighbors. And she got us! Isn’t it cool how the lord works? We needed an apartment, and she needed us.

She has been a huge help to us. Bringing us food and all kinds of stuff. I babysit her daughter for her sometimes in return. I don’t have pictures yet, but it’s a pretty nice place. We like our ward; it is very different though. We also met a couple in our ward where the husband is also going to Brent’s school. They are amazing, and it was so nice to finally get friends.

I’m back in Utah to finish my student teaching, leaving Brent for five weeks. It has been pretty hard and it’s only been a week! I can't believe all the preparation needed for the start of a school year. But I loved writing the name tags and putting up the cute decorations. I can't wait to meet my next batch of students! 

Sick days/weeks

Well, the semester is winding down, my very LAST semester at BYU. I don't even get to enjoy it because I have been so sick for the last 13 days. Just in time for finals I got a who knows what illness. Brent left for the weekend to visit a chiropractic school and left me alone and very helpless. It's times like these that I thank Heavenly Father that my family lives close by and that I have an amazing, self-less, honorary nurse mom. She took me to their house where I slept, required a lot of attention when my fevers got bad, and read books. I am so grateful for them because I honestly don't think I could have kept myself alive on my own.

When Brent got back he took over my care, and the care of the house, and food, and everything. I feel awful but I don't have the energy to do anything but sit around and nap. He has been wonderful about it and hasn't complained or gotten annoyed with my illness, thank heavens.

I honestly don't know how I did on my finals. I didn't really study for them. I have gotten to the point where I don't care, and my priorities are a bit different. I have one more to go and it should be fine. I also start teaching next week. I am praying that I will get better before then. Right now, I walk up a flight of stairs and feel like I ran a mile, and sound like it too. I've lost 10 lbs in two weeks because I have no appetite. That's possibly the only positive out of the illness. Yep, definitely.

I got assigned fourth grade for my TELL student teaching, which is wonderful because I just finished my practicum in fourth grade. So I really know what to expect; sass and all. It's a wonderful age, but I'm really worried because I'll be working with the english language learners. This means a lot of planning and a lot of supporting.

Easter was wonderful, we spent it at my parents house. I couldn't eat much, but we had fun hiding the eggs over and over again. That has always been one of my favorite things to do at easter. The other is obviously remembering Christ. The church came out with a wonderful video on Christ that everyone should see:    https://www.lds.org/youth/video/because-of-him?lang=eng 

Life is moving on whether I am ready or not. Our college years are done. I finish student teaching in August, and I will be done. Brent starts chiropractic school in San Francisco in July. We'll be living there for the next three years. Who knows when a baby will come into play, or if we'll financially make it through the next few years, or what my job will be etc. But one thing is clear. I have a wonderful family that supports and loves us, I have a Christ and Heavenly Father that I can always turn to and who will always help me, and I have a wonderful husband who is the logic behind my crazy. So I guess we'll make it.